Life and Times of a Poker Addict

Alright, so as last we left it, Cornholio went back over the fence and Rick and I put in a couple more hours of drinking before passing out. Wake up the next day and head out to purchase a basketball hoop for their pool. The following hours would prove it to be a solid addition to their home. So an afternoon of drinking, basketball and general tomfoolery follows before the real party gets underway. Did I mention the hot women yet? Yeah, hot women... everywhere... in bikinis.

Eventually the beer pong table gets broken out again and the inevitable domination that comes from the juggernaut known as Rick and Rossi. Throughout the course of the evening we ran our record to 62-0 over the last three parties held at the house. It's sad how little competition there is. Luckily, there are foolish people who are willing to lay it on the line and make bets with us on the outcome. Hot Girl #1, Trish, an avid Yankees fan, decides to make a wager with Rick (avid Mets fan) that ends up with her wearing a "Fuck the Yankees" shirt for the rest of the party. She had been talking smack all afternoon and continued to do so even after donning the shirt. This led to a rematch and this time her partner was Hot Girl #2, Katie. When pregame discussions of a follow-up wager commenced I had a lot of faith in Rick to man up, but as usual, he failed me. In listening to his ramblings on stupid bets involving the Yankees I finally interrupted to make the bet that is supposed to be made in this situation. We lose, Rick and I don your bikinis (yeah right), we win and the hot girls have to open mouth kiss. Agreed. I'm not above promoting lesbianism by hot women at any chance I get.

Rick and I win that game in about four and a half minutes, Katie and Trish didn't even rack it. We should have enforced the naked run on top of the wager but two hot girls kissing will generally make you forget rules for a bit. A short time later our reign is interrupted by Rick's white trash neighbor across the street threatening girls coming into the party because they parked on the public street in front of his house. A couple of unmentionable words, threats and calls to the police later, the situation is at a standstill. White Trash Willy proceeds to sit on his porch, shirtless, drinking a beer and smoking a cig just watching the party. Waiting for an opportunity to... I don't know what he was waiting for actually. There were about 20 guys at that party and almost every one of them was bigger than Willy. He was definitely dominated in every fashion.

All in all, it was an enjoyable trip up to Vienna. The next weekend brought a poker tournament that I was supposed to play in with Don. Unfortunately Don forgot to call and reserve our spots so we got stuck on the waiting list and didn't get in. Way to go, Don. We watched the first two levels before grabbing some lunch and it only served to make me more upset that I wasn't able to play with the assorted donkies that were populating this tournament. A quick example: Shortstack moves all-in and gets called in two places. The two remaining players check to the river where finally this one donkey bets and makes the other player fold. Turn over the cards and donkey had QJ offsuit, for you guessed it, Queen high nothing. Shortstack turns over Ace high and wins the pot. The folded hand would have won. Shortstack ends up winning the tournament. And he was a far worse player than the donkey who saved him.

End up playing in the $1/2 No Limit game that night and I had heard a lot about how solid the play was here. So I come out playing careful and limp in 45 suited in late position and flop comes 355. I bet out, get raised, reraise and she moves me all-in. I really don't like having to make this call but I move in and she turns over 25, the only hand I'm ahead of. Of course the only way I win this pot is if a four comes on the turn or river, and it did. Yahtzee! $80 to $160. Drag another decent size pot a couple hands later when I outkick the same woman on middle pair. $160 to $215. A few hands later I limp Q10 of hearts in middle position with about six people to the flop and hit the nuts. I check it and the turn produces an 8 as well as putting two flush draws on the board. Mike, a local guy who plays for a living, checks, Don bets out $11, I call and Mike check-raises to $33. Don folds and I move all-in knowing there is really no way for him to believe I have the straight. Finally after a lot of counting of pot-odds he calls and shows trip eights. The river doesn't pair the board and I double up again, $450. I proceed to get hit in the face with cards for the next couple of hours before I finally have to cash out long before I want to as I am completely exhausted for some reason. End result, $750 on my $80 buy-in, not too shabby.

To cap off, Greg Raymer is putting on a ridiculous move at the Main Event, and if he gets anywhere near the last three tables it will be one of the best accomplishments in tournament poker, ever. I can't wait to see these events on ESPN in the next few months.